Let it go

It's essential to let go of things that no longer serve you.

If a friendship that was once fun is now work, say goodbye.
If a cause you once cared about no longer makes you feel passionate, find a new one.
If a job makes you feel depressed rather than happy, quit.

At the end of the day, it really is that simple. Forget the responsibility you feel to anyone else because the only responsibility you have is to yourself.

I certainly have a tendency to hold onto things.

Like, because a friendship is old and was once valuable to me, it means I need to keep it in my life. It's called the sunk-cost fallacy:

Reasoning that further investment is warranted on the fact that the resources already invested will be lost otherwise, not taking into consideration the overall losses involved in further investment.

Friendships are—ahem, should be—give and take. Sometimes one person gives more, and sometimes that same person takes more. But if the balance is always skewed, it's not really a friendship worth having, is it? I've recently said sayonara to a few friendships, and it feels good. I now have more energy to put into friendships that are equally beneficial.

On the topic of work: when Sunday comes and you're dreading the work week ahead of you in a way that is all-consuming, it's probably time to find a new job. People have a way of making themselves believe they're "happy enough". You tell yourself, "My job isn't all that bad. The pay is okay, the hours are good, vacation is decent." We find a way to live with situations that don't make us happy by convincing ourselves that it's not that bad. We feel loyalty to companies that feel no loyalty to us. We feel we've worked somewhere for so long that it would be silly to give up the "perks" we have to start somewhere new. But that's bullshit.

These days, I try to only do things that I want to do, and things that will make me happy. And you know what's happened?

I'm now happy... for the most part.

Remembering a friend...

Today was the 11th anniversary of my friend Jimmy's death. He was walking across a marked crosswalk when a drunk driver hit and killed him.

So much has happened in my life since then. I was 17 then, and I'm 28 now. Looking back to eleven years ago, I am an entirely different person. As much as I have grown over the years, if I allow myself to go back to that time, I'm raw and still very much there.

Life has gone on for me while Jimmy is frozen in time. It's a reality, and it's not something worth getting sad about because as much as I wish I could make it different... I can't. So I live my life, and from time to time, I remember Jimmy and smile.

I love cows. They are my favourite animal. Jimmy knew this. One day he called my house phone (cell phones weren't a thing like they are today), and when my dad passed me the phone, Jimmy excitedly said, "Beth! I'm at this garage sale, and I found a cow couch! Do you want it!?"

I said of course... and that evening, Jimmy and his step-dad delivered it to my house.
Three weeks later, Jimmy died.

As physically uncomfortable as that couch was and as cheaply made as it was, I held onto it for years after Jimmy's death, because it was a tangible item from him. It was a physical object that I could remember him by.

Eight years after Jimmy was gone, I told my dad we could finally get rid of the cow couch. We smashed it to pieces, and it broke my heart with every smash, but it was also so therapeutic. I needed to move on. Not forget, but let go. It was simply the destruction of a cow couch, but it was also an oddly beautiful send-off to a really great friend.

NFJS