There is a reason I don’t give it out freely or
easily. While I believe people are generally good, I also believe most people
are in it for themselves and will do what they can to get ahead, even if it
means throwing you under the bus. This isn’t me complaining or whining about
the unfairness of life… this is me being honest about how life is. Sometimes I
make a mistake in who I trust, and once I realize I’ve fucked up, you won’t get
another chance. And don’t get me wrong, I can be a shitty friend too. This
isn’t me saying I’m perfect and other people aren’t. This is me saying humans
are flawed, and we are so very rarely altruistic in our actions. You can’t be
an amazing presence in everyone’s life, you just can’t be. You save your
amazingness for a select few.
To find someone who is there for you no matter what is
better than finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow… it’s better than
sex because it lasts forever, and it’s better than the tightest and deepest hug
in the world. It makes you feel okay with yourself because someone sees you for
you, all of you, and still accepts you. They hold your secrets close to their
heart, and they would never sell you out. It is the most comforting feeling in
the world, and part of why trust is so amazing is because it is so damn rare.
I pride myself on being able to very quickly know if I
want someone in my life. Within seconds of being around you, I can sense your energy
and whether or not you’re someone that attracts me. What I do need to learn are boundaries. I tell too much, too soon, and just because I gravitate towards
someone and feel a connection, it doesn’t mean I need to bare my soul.
Sometimes it’s okay to just like someone as a pal, and not rely on them for
anything more than a light-hearted conversation or a lunch date. It doesn’t
always need to be a deep, soul-connecting friendship. And that’s hard for me to
accept, because to me if it’s not a deep and profound connection, it’s fluff
and superficial. And why waste your time and energy on someone that doesn’t
feed your soul? Well, because Beth, sometimes life can’t be everything you want
it to be, and you have to be okay with that. You have to be okay with knowing
you can’t trust someone, but still, be able to like them.
I will hold you close to my heart if you can teach me something about myself in a gentle
way. My favourite people are those who teach
me things without even realizing they are doing it. They don’t look down on me or tell me that this is how I should behave or I should stop doing this or
that… they guide me through mutual friendship and understanding. True
friendship is give and take, and the friendships I value most are the ones that
make me yearn for personal growth.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to be fucked over by
people because the people who won’t do that bullshit to you are ten times
better than the people who will. Focus your energy on the good ones.
