Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes, and unfortunately, nobody
gets through life without experiencing it in one way or another: childhood
neglect, physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, bullying, abusive or toxic
relationships, living with someone who has substance abuse or mental health
issues, poverty, oppression, and on it goes. We all must deal with trauma, and it
leaves its mark on each of us. We enter this world as innocent beings, but then
people fuck us up, and we, in turn, fuck other people up (even though we do not
intend to do so).
I used to think intention mattered, but it does not. Not really. People have done me wrong, and I have done people wrong. If
I hurt you, that is what matters… it matters not that I didn't intend to do it. Intentionality is a beautiful thought, but at the end of the day, it means very little.
And when it comes to healing from someone who has hurt me, ownership is the path to true healing. Even though I am not responsible for the pain and trauma I have gone through, I need to be the one to own it, and this is why: It is unrealistic to expect everyone who has hurt me to be accountable, apologize, and do the work to make it right.
So, I have two choices: 1) I can continue to
let their actions dictate and influence how I view myself and approach the world, or 2) I can accept I am
the only one who can fix it. I choose option number two. My trauma is not my fault,
but it is my responsibility to own it so I can heal from it. No one else is going to do it for me.
