I have a tendency to say odd and inappropriate things. I can't help but talk about taking a shit, that many babies are ugly, or that I sometimes bathe with my dog. This usually happens if I'm a) nervous or b) really comfortable with
you. Sometimes people aren't quite sure how to respond. Often, when I'm met with a
weird reaction, I immediately berate myself: "Goddamnit, Beth, you're so
stupid!" or I think, "Why can't you just shut up and be normal?"
Many simply shrug and say, "That's just Beth." Others say that's part of my allure and what they like about me. But sometimes, I think it's part of what makes me annoying to people, attention-seeking, and sort of weird. It bothers me that I am this way.
The other day someone commented on it, which made me sad. I came home and cried to Chris, and
told him I felt stupid and annoying, and why can't I just be quiet
sometimes? He pulled me close and told me other people wish they could
be like that... say whatever pops into their brain. I don't
think that's true. But Chris loves all of me, and when I tell him I wish I could
be different, he tells me I'm perfect exactly how I am and to never change.
I love that man.
