Something I've desperately been trying to conquer lately is
impostor syndrome. Whenever I meet new people, pick up a new hobby, or start a new
job, I have to fight impostor syndrome.
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome, or the impostor experience)
is a psychological pattern in which individuals doubt their skills, talents, or
accomplishments and have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a
"fraud."
I've started two jobs within the last month, and I am sometimes overwhelmed by feelings of impostor syndrome. It's ruined my day on
occasion, left me in a puddle of tears, and has had me questioning why I even
bother trying when I know perfectly well I'm going to fail. I am crying writing about it now.
What an isolating feeling impostor syndrome is. Yet roughly 70% of people will experience it at least once. It's not talked about, though–and why is it not talked about? Because talking about it requires vulnerability, and vulnerability is damn hard. Instead, when we feel insecure, we go through periods of negative self-talk, see only our failures and none of our successes, and fear that we will be busted for the frauds we think we are.
One of my jobs is as a technical writer and editor for a mining company–something I know nothing about. My other job is as a copywriter, and I've never been a copywriter. These jobs are breeding insecurity in me.
I felt depression creeping in, but for once, I recognized why
it was happening. Rather than remain silent, I brought it up with my boyfriend. I needed to vocalize these feelings before they consumed me.
Between tears, I said, "These jobs are way beyond my experience and skill set. I am going to fail."
Instead of entertaining me, he steered the conversation in a positive direction: "These companies hired you because you are great at what you do. Focus on that for a few minutes."
After a short pause, I continued speaking, more to myself than to him: "You are right. My new bosses said I'm doing a great job, my questions are fantastic, and my ideas are excellent and I should pursue them. My references had nothing but the very best to say about me. A boss has never said my work is bad. I've always been told I produce quality content. Maybe that's all I need to know."
I've got this.
